do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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