Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
