Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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