I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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