I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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