I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
