And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
