I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
