i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
