Umm I'm too high to move.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
