where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
