maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
And then he peed in my hair
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