i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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