you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
