I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he shaved USA in his pubs
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
