Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
