when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
