I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
not ubering you a puppy
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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