David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
