Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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