Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
