haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize