i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
