Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
