someone get that fucking seahorse.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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