There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
