Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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