I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
