I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
