I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I enjoy the company of your penis
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
