remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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