he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize