I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
