Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
