There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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