You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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