So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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