i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
