While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The air was thick with penises
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
