i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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