I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
