Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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