He asked to "fluff my boner.."
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
His nipple licking is glorious
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