I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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