Where is the hickey?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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