dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
