Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
