no, he came in my armpit
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
