We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
