I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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