just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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