If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She told me I should be a condom model.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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