We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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