she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
