It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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