Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
