I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
