This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
