My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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