hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
