he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
