I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
