There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The adults are the big ones right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
