Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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