Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
