I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found puke in my bra..
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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