and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
