I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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