Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
