So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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