Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i think i just lost a toe
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
