you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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