God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
