My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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